Movie Buddies
by skystar234
Summary: The Wedding Bride was a terrible, terrible movie. Thankfully, Ted now knows someone who hates it as much as he does (though for different reasons) and learns an important lesson.


_So I finally watched How I Met Your Mother - I know, it took me long enough, but to make up for it I think I've watched it about three times - and this was a plot bunny that started bouncing around my head. That being said, this is the first time I am writing for this show, sooooo if it's not that great, I apologize and I'll work on it. I am a bit of a movie snob (there I admitted it) so when I see these beyond stupid movies in movies/shows, even though I know they're supposed to be stupid and funny, they drive me absolutely insane. So even though we see maybe five minutes of The Wedding Bride, I'm about to go to TOWN on how ridiculous it is and why no one in Ted's universe should like it either!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own How I Met Your Mother or any of its characters. I did slightly twist the ending of the show, but only because the real one pissed me off and in this oneshot you can barely tell. Oh yeah this is just a oneshot guys._

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 _ **Kids, when you're in your thirties and still single, you start thinking that any cute member of the opposite sex that looks at you might be 'The One'. I was the same way - any cute girl at the bar in McLaren's was 'The One' for awhile. Of course, after I walked up to them and actually started a conversation, I could usually tell they were NOT actually 'The One' - there was one time I met a woman who, I kid you not, legitimately believed that Godzilla was a historic documentary and that the government just kept rebuilding the Golden Gate Bridge every two years when some alien attack destroyed it - but this story is about a different woman. And unlike most of the random girls I tell you about, she was smart, pretty, and had great taste in movies.**_

 _ **And I never would have met her if not for a movie I absolutely hated.**_

 _August 2010_

"Ted, Ted!"

Ted Mosby groaned - usually when Barney used his name twice in a row like that, it meant he was about to play wingman. And he really did not feel like playing wingman.

Barney bounced over, sliding into the booth next to Ted and nodding slightly at Marshall and Lily before launching into his pitch. "See that girl at the end of the bar? She's a total 10 and I'm definitely going to nail that." Ted glanced over his shoulder at the girl. She was definitely Barney's type - blonde, big boobs, sucking down her vodka cranberry like no tomorrow and giggling uncontrollably to her friend, a brunette with her back to Ted.

Ted turned back to the table. "Okay, go ahead and get her then."

"I need you to distract her friend." Barney said, glancing back at the two. "She's not drinking as much and looks relatively smart, she could mess up the whole play."

Ted raised his eyebrows, slightly amused. "So you're telling me that rather than Barney Stinson going for the Belt, he's being lazy and not even going to try to get both girls at once? No challenge accepted?"

Barney opened his mouth, paused like he was considering it, but then Lily cut him off. "I assume that the friend just isn't cute enough. Or she has small boobs."

Barney looked at them all annoyed. "You know, even I get a little tired sometimes and just need some fast food. That girl," he pointed at the blonde who had just snorted some of her drink at her friend, "is like a Big Mac. Can't eat them all the time and get flabby, but every once in awhile it's a nice, relaxing break." He turned back to Ted. "Now her friend is reasonably cute so SUIT UP."

Ted sighed, glancing at Marshall and Lily pleadingly, but they were back to looking at each other with gooey eyes. Ted rolled his eyes and hauled himself to his feet. "I need another drink first."

As Ted approached the bar, he passed behind the two woman in time to hear Barney's dibs say, "Oh, and Kelly said that she was able to score us all tickets to _The Wedding Bride_ 's special extended showing! So clear your schedule next Friday night!"

At the name of his most dreaded film to ever catch anywhere, Ted's shoulders drooped. "Something really strong, please Carl." He said, rolling his eyes. 'Gonna need it to get through an evening talking to this girl about that stupid-'

"Are you joking? If I'm lucky enough to never see that so-called movie again, it'll be too soon."

Ted's eyes widened as he swung his head back towards the two girls. The brunette, who he could now see was actually quite cute and pretty classy (explaining why Barney was less into her, certainly), was staring at her friend in disbelief.

The blonde looked shocked too. "You didn't like it?"

The brunette scoffed. "I don't even think that crap can be considered a movie. Walking out of it I had half a mind to write to either the director or the screenwriter and demand a refund, though sadly I would never get those two hours of my life back."

"But it was such a good movie!" Her friend protested, causing the brunette to roll her eyes.

"Have you ever seen a movie before?" She retorted. "Because that's the only excuse for liking that 'movie' I will tolerate."

Ted felt a smile break over his face and he leaned across the counter. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear - you actually don't like _The Wedding Bride_?" He asked.

The brunette smiled a little, but her friend spoke up first. "I know, isn't she insane?! That's, like, an instant classic movie!"

"Actually," Ted said, eyes not leaving the brunette's face, "I was going to say her next drink is on me." The blonde made a huffing noise and turned back to her purse while Ted held out his hand. "My name's Ted."

The brunette smiled and took his hand, eyes sparkling. "Miranda."

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"Well first of all, _The Wedding Bride_? What kind of name is that?! It's like a B rated horror movie, only it's not funny  or scary."

"Right? And the dialogue, I don't think I've heard anything that disjointed and completely unrealistic since _The Room_!"

Both Ted and Miranda, sitting at the bar with their drinks, burst out laughing at just the thought of the cheesy lines. Ted's amusement was heighten as he saw Barney attempt to hit on Miranda's friend but she was still pouting and just having none of it. But as Ted sipped more and more of his beer, he was less focused on Barney and more focused on the girl in front of him. Miranda was cute, smart, and any girl who hated _The Wedding Bride_ that much was good in his book.

"So what is it you do?" Ted asked, waving to Carl for another beer. He could see his friends in their booth, now joined by Robin, all whispering and throwing glances his way.

Miranda smirked. "I write for Entertainment Weekly, actually. I do movie reviews and research for some of our bigger pieces. So I'm sorry if it seems like I'm going on movie tangents a lot, that's just what I do naturally."

"Watching movies for a living? That sounds…um, amazing." Ted said incredulously.

Miranda laughed. "Yeah it's kinda hard to complain about. Deadlines are a bitch, but I get to wear fancy dresses to premieres and I never have to pay to see bad movies." She took a sip of her own drink and tapped the counter. "But what about you? What do you do?"

"I"m a professor of architecture at Columbia." Ted said off-handedly. "It's almost the end of my first year teaching."

Miranda chuckled. "Ted Mosby the architecture professor. That's scarily close to Jed Mosley the architect. Weird, huh?"

Ted forced out a laugh as Miranda waved down Carl for another drink, taking a sip of his own. He was desperately hoping that the conversation would move on, but Miranda tilted her head inquisitively. "Did I say something wrong?" 

Ted swallowed his drink. He absentmindedly noticed that he was tearing at the label on his bottle. "I, uh…"

"I'm sorry, I know we've been ragging on that movie all night," Miranda said apologetically, leaning forward a little. "I have been told that not all of my jokes are funny."

"No, it's not that." Ted sighed. "There's just, uh, a bit of story with that particular coincidence."

Miranda looked at him, head still tilted, before smiling a little bit. "I like stories. You want to walk and talk about it?" 

It had been a long time since Ted had felt compelled, really compelled, to connect with a woman. Maybe not since Stella. So he waved down Carl, paid the tab, and helped Miranda with her purse as they headed for the door.

"So, about a year ago, I was engaged to a woman named Stella…"

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It was a long story, and a long walk. Ted wasn't even sure where they were going half the time. Miranda was a good listener - she never interrupted, only asked questions sparingly, and let the conversation flow where Ted needed it to go. When it was over, they realized they'd gone in a big circle and ended up back at McLaren's.

"You know, if Tony had told the real story, that would have made a much better movie." Miranda said finally as Ted finished speaking.

Ted let out a confused laugh, tilting his head a bit and furrowing his eyebrows. Of all the things he'd expected her to say, that hadn't been one of them. "You think?"

"Oh yeah." Miranda nodded. "It's not cliche, and it's complicated. There are real feelings and pain on both sides. Making you the bad guy might have made him feel better, but it detracted from the reality and the story behind it all - it's like the screenwriter's crutch, making the antagonist as bad as they can be so there's no conflict." She put a hand on Ted's arm. "I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"Thanks."

They stood there in silence for a minute, and Ted realized something - he didn't want to kiss this girl.

It wasn't that she wasn't pretty or nice or even that she wasn't looking for a relationship - they'd talked about their feelings towards relationships in the middle of the story on a tangent and she wanted a husband and kids at some point - but he just genuinely liked talking to her, like he felt with Lily, and he didn't want to mess that up.

"It's kinda late," he said finally, glancing up the street. "Want me to talk you home?"

Miranda smiled at him. "Sure. But first thing's first." She fished her phone out of her purse and handed it to him. "Put your number in there, and we can get another drink sometime. Or I can take you to a free movie. You know, friend perks."

Ted grinned as he typed his name into her phone. "Oh, well for the free movies." He teased. "That is why I"m still here."

Miranda hit his arm playfully as he handed her phone back before linking arms with him and pointing in the direction of her apartment. "So I have to ask - do you really have a pair of red cowboy boots?"

"Hey, I pull those off."

"Uh huh… before or after Toy Story 2 made them popular?"

 _ **So no kids, that woman did not end up being your Mother. But more importantly, I realized that making a friend was just as great as meeting 'The One'. And making friends with an up and coming Entertainment Weekly writer has its perks, as it turned out. About two months after that I agreed to an interview to tell the true story of The Wedding Bride, which broke big. Of course Tony still managed to spawn two sequels and a hit Broadway musical, but it was still cathartic for me. And, since your Aunt Miranda claimed she owed me a favor for giving her the story, your uncles and I got into the Star Wars: Force Awakens Premiere before anyone else we know.**_

 _ **And, as you know, your Aunt Miranda still comes around with Uncle Josh and your cousin Carly for the Superbowl every year. Well, your Uncle Josh and I watch, your Mother and Aunt Miranda just sit there gabbing and hogging all the buffalo chicken dip.**_

 _ **The point is kids, don't forget to make friends, even when you're looking for something more serious.**_

 _ **Also, if your aunt ever tells you that the Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie, she's wrong. A New Hope is and always will be the best one. Remind me later to tell you guys about the great Star Wars debate of 2017.**_


End file.
